I've been sitting quietly, asking myself some gentle, empathetic, and hopefully honest questions about the whos, whats, whys, whens and wheres of my life. Also enjoying the posts from Connie and HRS. El Mago, I heard about you from Dubin during his DR days, or were they daze?, some time ago. I hope we get the chance to meet one day. I wanna see your magic!
My wife's father is very ill, so I've been thinking of him, and also of my own father who passed 35 years ago, when I was thirty. He's been, physically, out of my life longer than he was in it, though in every other way that matters, he's always with me. Been thinking of the love of music he shared with me, the opportunity to learn to play the piano, the incredible gift of not fearing death, the day-to-day on how to love someone and let her or him love you back, those things and more that shaped me. I feel grateful. I feel blessed. And still, there are problems. As Dubin points out, life is hard. There are challenges to be solved. That's part of the gig.
I love your talking about the hang, Dubin. That's what I love most, too. My favorite story about that has to do with my buddy Tom Bowes, who for a long time was the lead singer of the band Tower of Power. Many years ago I went to Philly to catch the band during its east coast tour. They sounded great, and in particular, they had a new sax player who was FANTASTIC! Playing all the lines, swinging hard, he had all going on. About 4 weeks later, they came through NYC to play The Bottom Line, long since closed. I of course fell by to check it out. Band was great, Tommy sang his ass off, but wait a minute, what happened to the sax player? Nowhere to be found. After the gig, I asked Tom what happened to the new guy? His classic response: "He could make the gig, but he couldn't make the hang."
He couldn't make the hang. Words to live by, many of which we've read repeatedly in Acting Human posts, where we're invited to pay attention, to collaborate with open hearts, to create community with some kind of kindness and authentic intention. To make the gig AND the hang!!
I'm grateful to be in this hang with you, Connie and HRS, and of course with you, Dubin. Would love to hear from other Acting Human readers, as well, about their experiences, about their journeys. We ARE a community, whether we know it or not.
Sunday was a day, when as a child, growing up, it brought very mixed emotions, Dread... the weekend was ending, and school was tomorrow, Dread... for some of the homework I had neglected, Dread... because the FUN AND FREEDOM the weekend brought, hanging out with my best friends... Was coming to an end. Dread... Sometimes Sundays meant a visit to my grandfather's and my (step) grandmother's house.. He smoked cigars, he remarried after my grandmother had died, she wore far too much perfume.. My grandfather (My father's father) Tensions were in the air as they worked together,I had to dress up nicely when visiting them) The silver lining of Sunday was it was the ONLY DAY of the week, my Dad didn't work... My memories are of him reading books and falling asleep on the couch, book on his chest.. He loved reading and had a HUGE library, complete sets of ancient and old collections... The entire works of Rudyard Kipling, Edgar Allan Poe, Victor Hugo, A. Conan Doyle, Frank L. Packard, Honore de Balzac, The Master Classics, which strangely I had never till this very moment opened up this reddish pink book, skinny book, with a Genie lamp logo and underneath it "Doubleday,(with Garden City directly below Doubleday) Doran & Company, Inc. (with New York directly below Doran & Company> 1930...You see I am now in that library which I obtained after my sweet Mom died in 1999, my father had died when I had just turned 20, in 1975.. I remeber it well.. JUNE 11th, my birthday, 2 days later, Friday the 13 th,(unlucky) he died, and Sunday the 15 th, on Father's Day, we buried him... I feel his love when I touch these ancient books, books that as in the Balzac collection date to the late 1800`s as appears on the date stamped on them.. Gorgeous hard covered books, with pages of glossy illustrations.. That Love was the other and opposite sensation of that Sunday dread. I would get some love from a father I rarely saw, who worked so hard, day after day after day,.. So now when I wake up to your Acting Human, Richard Dubin.. I get a love as well, from a man I met on a beach years ago, in the Dominican Republic, and has become a true friend, and reading Acting Human, awakens so much that I already feel and know in my soul,... Your words and style are so enlightening, comforting and at times, challenging.. And now I will go back and do my "homework" for A. H.... Because when one loves something... It's so much easier and enjoyable.. "To do the work"... and much more satisfying than a complicated math question, that not only did I not understand.. BUT DIDN'T CARE ABOUT "... For when we love and care about something or someone... Life is so much more meaningful! And we can still love and care deeply about those that are gone, and those that are still here, regardless of their titles, and we can Thank You for these Sunday's... The days, and the ones you love, with the cherry and whipped cream on top 🙏🍒😉💖
Totally agree with you H.R.S. Except for the part about the dad not working on Sunday. My dad was a preacher man. (Some would joke that he was the opposite of most people -- six days off and everything furnished. haha.) So I dreaded Sunday, in addition to the fact that it was the end of the weekend, but also because I had to go to church -- twice. And I was required to be quiet and "prayerful" during the afternoon. UGH. That part was especially painful during my teen-age raging-hormone days when I knew everyone else was at the swimming pool or the Dairy Queen. FOBLO -- bigly.
But I do agree with the last part of your post. Loving, caring, and being in communion with -- those are the meaning-making parts of life! Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks for commenting on my post. Can't imagine being "A son of a preacher man".. I'm sure being a daughter of a preacher must have been like having a spotlight on you. Thanks for your reply.. Yes.. Communicating with people whom we care about.. And trying to be kind and helpful to others.. Makes life easier... 🙏
Love that you're talking amongst yourselves. David Bohm and I are 'proud' of you. More to come soon about Bohm's Dialogue Process, which I put in play with classes at Newhouse. For now... into the evening on Saturday (8/3) I'll start a post for tomorrow, for tomorrow as a wise man said, comes early.
I enjoy witnessing what neuroscientists call "neuroception." In conversation, virtual or non-, we apparenty co-regulate each other -- we, through invisible, unconcscious, and immeasurable means -- perceive and alter each other's moods, experiences, and sense of well-being in the moment. I love watching as that kind of thing happens when I encounter people.
Some people seem to think that a conversation is not a "good" conversation unless there's conflict -- unless an argument of sorts ensues. Their act of listening exists only in order to compose a verbal contradiction to whatever you're saying. I love playing with those people. I love noticing what I can do or say to soften that need for friction. Humor is usually the best avenue. Unless they don't have a sense of humor. Then it's painful.
Others love exploring expansion together. That's what I hear you talking about today, Richard: the joy in experiecing the ways that co-mingling, co-regulating expands the experience between two or more people through the full, honest presence of the whole cast of characters.
As always, brilliant post. And yes, I will go back to review and marinate in the Dubin Wisdom! Thank you. And sending love as always.
I've been sitting quietly, asking myself some gentle, empathetic, and hopefully honest questions about the whos, whats, whys, whens and wheres of my life. Also enjoying the posts from Connie and HRS. El Mago, I heard about you from Dubin during his DR days, or were they daze?, some time ago. I hope we get the chance to meet one day. I wanna see your magic!
My wife's father is very ill, so I've been thinking of him, and also of my own father who passed 35 years ago, when I was thirty. He's been, physically, out of my life longer than he was in it, though in every other way that matters, he's always with me. Been thinking of the love of music he shared with me, the opportunity to learn to play the piano, the incredible gift of not fearing death, the day-to-day on how to love someone and let her or him love you back, those things and more that shaped me. I feel grateful. I feel blessed. And still, there are problems. As Dubin points out, life is hard. There are challenges to be solved. That's part of the gig.
I love your talking about the hang, Dubin. That's what I love most, too. My favorite story about that has to do with my buddy Tom Bowes, who for a long time was the lead singer of the band Tower of Power. Many years ago I went to Philly to catch the band during its east coast tour. They sounded great, and in particular, they had a new sax player who was FANTASTIC! Playing all the lines, swinging hard, he had all going on. About 4 weeks later, they came through NYC to play The Bottom Line, long since closed. I of course fell by to check it out. Band was great, Tommy sang his ass off, but wait a minute, what happened to the sax player? Nowhere to be found. After the gig, I asked Tom what happened to the new guy? His classic response: "He could make the gig, but he couldn't make the hang."
He couldn't make the hang. Words to live by, many of which we've read repeatedly in Acting Human posts, where we're invited to pay attention, to collaborate with open hearts, to create community with some kind of kindness and authentic intention. To make the gig AND the hang!!
I'm grateful to be in this hang with you, Connie and HRS, and of course with you, Dubin. Would love to hear from other Acting Human readers, as well, about their experiences, about their journeys. We ARE a community, whether we know it or not.
Sunday was a day, when as a child, growing up, it brought very mixed emotions, Dread... the weekend was ending, and school was tomorrow, Dread... for some of the homework I had neglected, Dread... because the FUN AND FREEDOM the weekend brought, hanging out with my best friends... Was coming to an end. Dread... Sometimes Sundays meant a visit to my grandfather's and my (step) grandmother's house.. He smoked cigars, he remarried after my grandmother had died, she wore far too much perfume.. My grandfather (My father's father) Tensions were in the air as they worked together,I had to dress up nicely when visiting them) The silver lining of Sunday was it was the ONLY DAY of the week, my Dad didn't work... My memories are of him reading books and falling asleep on the couch, book on his chest.. He loved reading and had a HUGE library, complete sets of ancient and old collections... The entire works of Rudyard Kipling, Edgar Allan Poe, Victor Hugo, A. Conan Doyle, Frank L. Packard, Honore de Balzac, The Master Classics, which strangely I had never till this very moment opened up this reddish pink book, skinny book, with a Genie lamp logo and underneath it "Doubleday,(with Garden City directly below Doubleday) Doran & Company, Inc. (with New York directly below Doran & Company> 1930...You see I am now in that library which I obtained after my sweet Mom died in 1999, my father had died when I had just turned 20, in 1975.. I remeber it well.. JUNE 11th, my birthday, 2 days later, Friday the 13 th,(unlucky) he died, and Sunday the 15 th, on Father's Day, we buried him... I feel his love when I touch these ancient books, books that as in the Balzac collection date to the late 1800`s as appears on the date stamped on them.. Gorgeous hard covered books, with pages of glossy illustrations.. That Love was the other and opposite sensation of that Sunday dread. I would get some love from a father I rarely saw, who worked so hard, day after day after day,.. So now when I wake up to your Acting Human, Richard Dubin.. I get a love as well, from a man I met on a beach years ago, in the Dominican Republic, and has become a true friend, and reading Acting Human, awakens so much that I already feel and know in my soul,... Your words and style are so enlightening, comforting and at times, challenging.. And now I will go back and do my "homework" for A. H.... Because when one loves something... It's so much easier and enjoyable.. "To do the work"... and much more satisfying than a complicated math question, that not only did I not understand.. BUT DIDN'T CARE ABOUT "... For when we love and care about something or someone... Life is so much more meaningful! And we can still love and care deeply about those that are gone, and those that are still here, regardless of their titles, and we can Thank You for these Sunday's... The days, and the ones you love, with the cherry and whipped cream on top 🙏🍒😉💖
Totally agree with you H.R.S. Except for the part about the dad not working on Sunday. My dad was a preacher man. (Some would joke that he was the opposite of most people -- six days off and everything furnished. haha.) So I dreaded Sunday, in addition to the fact that it was the end of the weekend, but also because I had to go to church -- twice. And I was required to be quiet and "prayerful" during the afternoon. UGH. That part was especially painful during my teen-age raging-hormone days when I knew everyone else was at the swimming pool or the Dairy Queen. FOBLO -- bigly.
But I do agree with the last part of your post. Loving, caring, and being in communion with -- those are the meaning-making parts of life! Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks for commenting on my post. Can't imagine being "A son of a preacher man".. I'm sure being a daughter of a preacher must have been like having a spotlight on you. Thanks for your reply.. Yes.. Communicating with people whom we care about.. And trying to be kind and helpful to others.. Makes life easier... 🙏
Show quoted text
Love that you're talking amongst yourselves. David Bohm and I are 'proud' of you. More to come soon about Bohm's Dialogue Process, which I put in play with classes at Newhouse. For now... into the evening on Saturday (8/3) I'll start a post for tomorrow, for tomorrow as a wise man said, comes early.
I enjoy witnessing what neuroscientists call "neuroception." In conversation, virtual or non-, we apparenty co-regulate each other -- we, through invisible, unconcscious, and immeasurable means -- perceive and alter each other's moods, experiences, and sense of well-being in the moment. I love watching as that kind of thing happens when I encounter people.
Some people seem to think that a conversation is not a "good" conversation unless there's conflict -- unless an argument of sorts ensues. Their act of listening exists only in order to compose a verbal contradiction to whatever you're saying. I love playing with those people. I love noticing what I can do or say to soften that need for friction. Humor is usually the best avenue. Unless they don't have a sense of humor. Then it's painful.
Others love exploring expansion together. That's what I hear you talking about today, Richard: the joy in experiecing the ways that co-mingling, co-regulating expands the experience between two or more people through the full, honest presence of the whole cast of characters.
As always, brilliant post. And yes, I will go back to review and marinate in the Dubin Wisdom! Thank you. And sending love as always.